i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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