I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize