I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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