Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
