His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
