True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
