In the future we'll all be gay
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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