apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
