The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
