I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You smell like stripper and shame
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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