I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
