i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
