Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
