your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
