don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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