If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize