Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
