he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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