my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
