On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
