They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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