so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
