but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
