You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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