so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
