He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
