people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
