I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
