Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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