Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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