i think my tv is drunk
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
