omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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