I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
high people should be assigned attendants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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