Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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