I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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