How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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