this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
