Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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