He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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