i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
