I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
