Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
