Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think

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(949): View more from California

I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

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(727): View more from Florida

well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.

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(229): View more from Georgia

I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE

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(404): View more from Georgia

there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do

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