I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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