I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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