you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
