Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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