At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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