Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
