I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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