dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
