I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
