i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
