Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
