my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
