My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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