I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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