the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
