Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
