you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
