I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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