guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
