shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
