When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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