Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
