Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
