In the future we'll all be gay
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
