oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
