i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
