We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
