My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
