it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
